Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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