Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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