The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My ATM looks so different sober.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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