It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
