i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
