She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
