you win again, gameday.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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