..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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