She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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