So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
