As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
