i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
