Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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