Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
