...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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