I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
