I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
