I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
