Sorry, I don't speak sober.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
