I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize