I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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