Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
