I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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