Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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