I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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