Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
