My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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