smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
