dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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