so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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