Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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