i may or may not be watching the land before time
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
