I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
vagina is talking i cant
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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