Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
