jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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