I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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