I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
