i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
