Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
