I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
