i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
