Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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