ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
