Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
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i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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