I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
