He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
