Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
