That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
