Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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