I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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