Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize