he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
