he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
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Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.