I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in