When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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