and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
