I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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