it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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