I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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