I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
