Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
