i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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