On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize